New SUV: Furd Destroyer

Dear Nimue,

Thank you for your letter; it brought joy to my day here. I have tried to keep out of sight as much as possible. Yahwe keeps storming around, angry about Odin’s victory at the Faerie law court. As a result of his storming, the weather has turned absolutely dreadful. They had to cancel yesterday's planned picnic.

As I’m sure you know by now, the car company Furd wanted to name their new SUV Furd Ragnarok, but Odin considers the name his proprietary property. He filed a law suite to prevent the name's unauthorized use. Although the car is more than twice the size of the Expedition, it still doesn’t use enough fuel to deserve the name Ragnarok.

The court issued an injunction allowing Odin curse any vehicle carrying the name Ragnarok.

Instead of fighting appeals through the seven Hells, Furd renamed the new vehicle ‘Destroyer’. To help with its marketing appeal, the standard model comes with a gun turret equipped with a semi-automatic machine gun. The deluxe model comes with a fully automatic machine gun, and the ultimate model comes with that plus a rocket launcher.

Despite Furd's concession, the Western Roman Emperor Don I the Yuge has threatened to set a 25% tariff on North Sea oil if Odin doesn’t withdraw his objection.

Of course, the Commission of Gallic Teutonic Nordic West Slavic Hispanic Greco-Roman League declared in response that if the Western Roman Empire institutes the new tariffs, the League will set a 25% tariff on popular entertainment imports and Baptist missionaries. Lucifer has expressed outrage that his servants would be treated that way, though I'm not sure whether he is talking about the entertainment industry or the missionaries.

But you already know all this. I miss you, and I wish I could come back home. Do you think that Odin might change his mind? This honor he gave me is killing me. Write to me soon.

Truly yours,

Gareth