LIBOR and other fantasies

The Goblin Nooz Corporation has denied any knowledge of a LIBOR (Looting Investors Billions Of Revenue) related power struggle between regulatory office of the Western Empire and Royal Regulatory Constable of Her Majesty the Queen. The struggle is for the right not to regulate the Baronies and Knights (BanKs) for public looting.

The Southern Defense Perimeter for the great citadel of Manhattan also known as Wall Street has not released any statements regarding the matter in question. They categorically don’t have anything to do with the LIBOR scandal, as their own goblins have been too busy cozying with regulators and looting wealth belonging to anyone else.

The imperial nobility is relieved that they still reap the booty while the bill goes for peasants to pay. They are proud of their motto: No responsibility without taxation. As they pay no taxes why would they carry responsibility for their own misconduct.

The lords in the imperial capital city are quiet about the matter as their war chests are dependent on bribes… we meant contributions from the Southern Defense Perimeter organizations.

Lord Ted's Somalization Plans

The Elf News Corporation has it on unidentified source that Lord Ted and Lord Rand have been tirelessly working on a Somalization plan to convert the Western Empire also known as US government structure to resemble their ideal state. They admire the one and only truly libertarian state in the world. This is of cause no other than Somalia.

            After a successful transition they would be able to establish their own private militias. Lord Ted has plans to claim the princedom of Texas as his fiefdom. He is aware that he might need to fight Master Rove for its control.

Stay tuned for the next ENC news bulleting coming soon to fiefdoms near you.

Now serving burgers by the robots for the robots

Once upon time there lived a happy burger joint entrepreneur in the town of Middleclassburg. It was a heavily armed fortified town. But he had a problem. His burger joint was located outside the walls so that he could both employ and sell for people living outside the walls. He loved to sell for them, but as they started to demand a reasonable pay, he decided to follow the trend to employ robots instead of outwallers.

All was good again until he noticed that his sales were dropping. Why weren’t the outwallers buying his burgers anymore. Oops, they didn’t have jobs. No jobs, no money. Maybe he could sell for the robots. But he didn’t pay them anything. There must be a reasonable solution, he thought.

Then he noticed pretty yellow light coming in from the street in front of his burger joint. Oh, there must be an evening parade, because lots of people are carrying torches around.

And that was when the first stone came through a window.

Constable proves his case in Fergusonburg

There are allegations that the Constable Jackson of Fergusonburg has denied that his response to allegations concerning one of his men-in-arms using excessive force when killing an unarmed townsman was also a tad excessive. To prove his point he sent a large number of heavily armored and armed men-in-arms to squelch the protest of unarmed Fergusonburg townsfolk.

Renaming Makes a Difference

The dark humors from the veins of power are whispering that a legal memo has renamed an infamous inquisition track as an advanced interrogation devise with pulleys. Those in the know have faith that this will enhance the safety of the ruling nobility. No wait, wasn’t it supposed to be the safety of our nation? Since the renaming has changed the nature of the device, the American inquisition no longer practices torture. That is such a relief for the whole US. Praise the power of the word.

Altenatives to Equality

The supreme court of god fairies has decided that political corruption will no longer be called political corruption, but unlimited campaign contributions. They hope that this will create a trickle down effect of a few drops of honeyed speech ending up in ant colonies and feeding the souls of the worker ants.

Altenatives to Healthcare

Latest newz from the Realms of men – and other things too (Sorry master Rand I almost forgot you and your family)

The elves have published a report that Lord Cruz would like to repeal reform to provide healthcare to everyone. As a member of the Inquisition he sees healthcare for people to be contrary to his core beliefs. Prayers and incantations should be sufficient healers. And if they are not enough, one can always swallow two pebbles and call Lady Palin’s witch doctors in the morning.

Guardian Angel Shortage

It has come to attention that due to a human over population there is a severe guardian angel shortage, which has led to the Bureau of Guardian Angels to assign fallen angels as guardian angels to some people. Lord Boehner’s guardian angel fell down at least three flights of stairs. Lord Cruz’s guardian angel fell down all fire escape stairwells of the Empire State building and Ron Paul’s fell down with an airplane at the end of his last assignment. The BGA has issued a statement announcing that they are looking into out-sourcing some of their services to Hindu Pantheon Corporation. Lord Shiva has expressed interest in possible contract with the BGA.