Dear Nimue, it’s still hard to believe

Dear Nimue, 

      It’s still hard to believe what happened. It all happened so quickly. I barely had time to say goodbye to you and the others. I still don't quite understand what actually happened. Odin was furious as a storm cloud. Thor oscillated between amused and being ready to blast me away. All I was told was that I had offended Frigg, but I haven't done anything.

      The trip here went as well as expected; Valkyries are not gentle transporters. I had only couple of dozen new bruises when I arrived, and I had to lick my fur for several hours before it settled back down again. 

      I know that chimeras are sent to other courts as junior members of embassies. Still, it's unsettling to suddenly be one of the emissaries of the Norse court to the Christian court of Western Roman Empire in North America. Before I left, someone called it an honor, but it feels more like a curse. Although I'm not the first were-dog to be posted here, I'm currently the only one. In addition to some faeries, there are seven chimeras here at the moment.

      This court is quite different from Odin's. First of all Yahweh and Jehovah share the throne. They are constantly bickering over which one of them is the original and thus dominant ruler. Someone told me that their dual existence comes from an ancient spelling mistake. They also both claim title Father as their own; it can be a bit confusing.

      The Holy Ghost is kind of pale. He's also very gloomy: walking around complaining that he's always mentioned third in any litany, never first, not even second, always third. 

      Jesus (the Son, not the curse) is arrogant and somewhat bitter as he knows he can never ascend to the throne. Jesus the curse is on the other hand is plotting with Lucifer to get rid of the Son. He claims that people call to him a lot more than they call to the Son. I think his ultimate plan is to share the throne with Lucifer, but I don't think that will happen. He reminds me a little bit of Loki.

      Collectively, the six of them are known as the Sextet, the Christian godhead.

      Uh oh, I hear someone coming so I have to stop writing for now. I miss you. Please, write to me soon.

Yours,

 

    Gareth

The Little Hands Contemplates the Game of Oval Thronerooms

As the shadows lengthened, the Little Hands sat alone pondering his position in the Game of Oval Throne rooms. To compensate his small hands and other small things he liked to use large words. He was especially fond of word terrific, but the historians didn’t often use word terrific. They did use word terrible that looked similar, but somehow didn’t quite feel the same.

The Little Hands had at first wanted to change his nickname to Great Hands or tremendous hands, but that hadn’t stuck. Well, then he had remembered that there had once been a great leader called the Little Boots. No one had laughed at him to his face. At least they hadn’t lived to tell about it. He had been called with a terrific Latin name. Now what was it? Oh right, his name had been Caligula.

That had been the tremendous past and the Little Hands had promised to take the country back to its past: to make America great again. Not terrific or tremendous. Just great. What great things he remembered from the past. There had been the great society, but that had been the work of the enemy so he couldn’t use it. Some people said that the fifties had been great conservative time, but it didn’t have a great name. Stalin had had the great purge. That was good. He could think of great many people who he didn’t like. Some of them judges. About same time with purges there had been the Great Depression. That was two great things at same time. Not bad at all. And almost right before them the Great War had ended the progressive age. He could do that again. He could even out do it with the tremendous war.

Maybe he could find inspiration with what was going on in other countries. The Turks were experimenting with purging their military, judiciary, and the education system. The Russians were killing journalists, who didn’t hold to the party line. Little Hands could use Guantanamo Bay for that. He was sure that the nice Russian president would give a hand with getting things going.

The English were in the middle of Brexit. That was bound to go better than the Texit or the Cexit. The former had resulted in the “loser-battle” in the Alamo and the latter had resulted with the burning of the “loser American South”. Just that moment he knew the answer. He would make America Great Britain again. Now, that was going to be YUUGE!

Ben Carson's plans to fights International Terrorism

If elected president, Ben Carson intends to surgically fight the infamous terrorist group Hummus and its secretive leader Baba Ganous. He will instruct the CIA to investigate group’s connections to shady Turkish character Shish Kebab, who is suspected to have questionable dealings with a Greek Feta. Group also has connections to Moroccan Couscous and Lebanese Tabouli.

As the precaution Mr. Carson will ban serving grape leaves at the White House to prevent any possible terrorist infiltration within them.

Carly Fiorina's executive plan

A crystal ball revealed an alleged executive plan by the future CEO of the United Corporate States of America Carly Fiorina. She will follow the established best practices. Step one: she will cut expenses by moving the federal bureaucracy from Washington, DC to Bangalore, India. Step two: To increase revenue she will buy the country of Albania. Step three: The sixth fleet will be moved under the Panamanian flag and manned by Filipino crews. This constitutes her announced rebuilding of the fleet.

Ms. Fiorina will always bring her golden parachute on board the Air force one just in case the board of directors decides to throw her out again.

LIBOR and other fantasies

The Goblin Nooz Corporation has denied any knowledge of a LIBOR (Looting Investors Billions Of Revenue) related power struggle between regulatory office of the Western Empire and Royal Regulatory Constable of Her Majesty the Queen. The struggle is for the right not to regulate the Baronies and Knights (BanKs) for public looting.

The Southern Defense Perimeter for the great citadel of Manhattan also known as Wall Street has not released any statements regarding the matter in question. They categorically don’t have anything to do with the LIBOR scandal, as their own goblins have been too busy cozying with regulators and looting wealth belonging to anyone else.

The imperial nobility is relieved that they still reap the booty while the bill goes for peasants to pay. They are proud of their motto: No responsibility without taxation. As they pay no taxes why would they carry responsibility for their own misconduct.

The lords in the imperial capital city are quiet about the matter as their war chests are dependent on bribes… we meant contributions from the Southern Defense Perimeter organizations.

Lord Ted's Somalization Plans

The Elf News Corporation has it on unidentified source that Lord Ted and Lord Rand have been tirelessly working on a Somalization plan to convert the Western Empire also known as US government structure to resemble their ideal state. They admire the one and only truly libertarian state in the world. This is of cause no other than Somalia.

            After a successful transition they would be able to establish their own private militias. Lord Ted has plans to claim the princedom of Texas as his fiefdom. He is aware that he might need to fight Master Rove for its control.

Stay tuned for the next ENC news bulleting coming soon to fiefdoms near you.

Now serving burgers by the robots for the robots

Once upon time there lived a happy burger joint entrepreneur in the town of Middleclassburg. It was a heavily armed fortified town. But he had a problem. His burger joint was located outside the walls so that he could both employ and sell for people living outside the walls. He loved to sell for them, but as they started to demand a reasonable pay, he decided to follow the trend to employ robots instead of outwallers.

All was good again until he noticed that his sales were dropping. Why weren’t the outwallers buying his burgers anymore. Oops, they didn’t have jobs. No jobs, no money. Maybe he could sell for the robots. But he didn’t pay them anything. There must be a reasonable solution, he thought.

Then he noticed pretty yellow light coming in from the street in front of his burger joint. Oh, there must be an evening parade, because lots of people are carrying torches around.

And that was when the first stone came through a window.