Carly Fiorina's executive plan

A crystal ball revealed an alleged executive plan by the future CEO of the United Corporate States of America Carly Fiorina. She will follow the established best practices. Step one: she will cut expenses by moving the federal bureaucracy from Washington, DC to Bangalore, India. Step two: To increase revenue she will buy the country of Albania. Step three: The sixth fleet will be moved under the Panamanian flag and manned by Filipino crews. This constitutes her announced rebuilding of the fleet.

Ms. Fiorina will always bring her golden parachute on board the Air force one just in case the board of directors decides to throw her out again.

LIBOR and other fantasies

The Goblin Nooz Corporation has denied any knowledge of a LIBOR (Looting Investors Billions Of Revenue) related power struggle between regulatory office of the Western Empire and Royal Regulatory Constable of Her Majesty the Queen. The struggle is for the right not to regulate the Baronies and Knights (BanKs) for public looting.

The Southern Defense Perimeter for the great citadel of Manhattan also known as Wall Street has not released any statements regarding the matter in question. They categorically don’t have anything to do with the LIBOR scandal, as their own goblins have been too busy cozying with regulators and looting wealth belonging to anyone else.

The imperial nobility is relieved that they still reap the booty while the bill goes for peasants to pay. They are proud of their motto: No responsibility without taxation. As they pay no taxes why would they carry responsibility for their own misconduct.

The lords in the imperial capital city are quiet about the matter as their war chests are dependent on bribes… we meant contributions from the Southern Defense Perimeter organizations.

Lord Ted's Somalization Plans

The Elf News Corporation has it on unidentified source that Lord Ted and Lord Rand have been tirelessly working on a Somalization plan to convert the Western Empire also known as US government structure to resemble their ideal state. They admire the one and only truly libertarian state in the world. This is of cause no other than Somalia.

            After a successful transition they would be able to establish their own private militias. Lord Ted has plans to claim the princedom of Texas as his fiefdom. He is aware that he might need to fight Master Rove for its control.

Stay tuned for the next ENC news bulleting coming soon to fiefdoms near you.

Now serving burgers by the robots for the robots

Once upon time there lived a happy burger joint entrepreneur in the town of Middleclassburg. It was a heavily armed fortified town. But he had a problem. His burger joint was located outside the walls so that he could both employ and sell for people living outside the walls. He loved to sell for them, but as they started to demand a reasonable pay, he decided to follow the trend to employ robots instead of outwallers.

All was good again until he noticed that his sales were dropping. Why weren’t the outwallers buying his burgers anymore. Oops, they didn’t have jobs. No jobs, no money. Maybe he could sell for the robots. But he didn’t pay them anything. There must be a reasonable solution, he thought.

Then he noticed pretty yellow light coming in from the street in front of his burger joint. Oh, there must be an evening parade, because lots of people are carrying torches around.

And that was when the first stone came through a window.

Constable proves his case in Fergusonburg

There are allegations that the Constable Jackson of Fergusonburg has denied that his response to allegations concerning one of his men-in-arms using excessive force when killing an unarmed townsman was also a tad excessive. To prove his point he sent a large number of heavily armored and armed men-in-arms to squelch the protest of unarmed Fergusonburg townsfolk.

Renaming Makes a Difference

The dark humors from the veins of power are whispering that a legal memo has renamed an infamous inquisition track as an advanced interrogation devise with pulleys. Those in the know have faith that this will enhance the safety of the ruling nobility. No wait, wasn’t it supposed to be the safety of our nation? Since the renaming has changed the nature of the device, the American inquisition no longer practices torture. That is such a relief for the whole US. Praise the power of the word.

Altenatives to Equality

The supreme court of god fairies has decided that political corruption will no longer be called political corruption, but unlimited campaign contributions. They hope that this will create a trickle down effect of a few drops of honeyed speech ending up in ant colonies and feeding the souls of the worker ants.